Imagine that in the middle of celebrating the New year over a romantic dinner, your husband suddenly says he has something to” tell you”, no not tell, “show you”. Only to appear ten minutes later dressed in your dress and lingerie. What would you think, what would you do, to suddenly after how many year of marriage to find that your husband and father of your children was a “cross dresser”?
This happened to Dee A Levy, one of my guests on today’s today who is the founder of the nonprofit organization Cross Dressers Wives, whose mission is to provide a safe environment for cross dressers' wives everywhere. Since 2006, the website www.crossdresserswives.com has emerged as one of the top support sites designed to address the needs of all women who are (or were) involved in an intimate relationship with a cross dresser. The Forum encourages cross dressers' wives from across the globe to reach out and anonymously share their experiences in an effort to learn from each other without fear of being judged or humiliated.
She was in the process of writing a book about her own life, when finding others who wanted to share their own story, herself and my other guest on today’s show, Brian Sheffield Hunt decided to put all these stories into a wonderful and helpful book “The Cross Dresser’s Wives – Our Secret Lives”.
The book is a powerful and engaging, this international collection of thoughts and short stories emanating from the web site, it offers valuable and emotionally intimate social commentary on the taboo subculture of cross dressing and, for the first time, exposes the shocking secret lives of cross dressers' wives or partners who silently grapple with the issue of cross dressing in their marriage or relationship.
The show brought up many interesting pieces of information about what is basically still a thorny subject of “cross dressing”. Unlike Gay and Lesbian relationships, the fact that your partner is a cross dresser can lay hidden for many years, a large percentage indeed is happily, or so it seems, heterosexual men.
A Brian shares on the web site...
“Multiple thorny issues can surround cross dressing. Often, it involves some sense of romantic betrayal at its deepest, messiest level. These relationships are operatic in scale and shake these women to their core. Why else would a sound woman consider leaving the love of her life and disrupt her family if this issue was merely about ‘scraps of clothing?”
The book consists of five stories that cover many issues and stories submitted to the sites forum submitted by women who wanted to tell their own stories. These stories are sprinkled with other selected posts, all of which are meant to illustrate the powerful ‘emotional speakeasy’ sense of camaraderie, caring, and support that is evident on the Forum on a daily basis.
As one reviewer put it…
“Finally! A book that actually acknowledges that many crossdressers ARE sexually motivated by this "harmless hobby" and that wives are NOT selfish, "uneducated", or unloving if their relationships crumble under the onslaught of the increasingly deviant desires of their partners…
...it should be required reading for everyone involved in a relationship that is faltering from the strain of this - partners who are struggling, ex-partners (who often remain scarred for years), therapists (who may "research" by using the same resources available to the wives), and crossdressers - anyone who truly wants to understand the emotions experienced by the silent partner. These wives valiantly try to hold their families and relationships together in an escalating, isolating, shape-shifting world that tells them that they are "irrational", weak, or prejudiced if they dare to doubt the" truth" of what they are told by the crossdressing communities and their supports...and who ultimately choose to believe in their own perceptions and in the importance of their OWN gender, sexual identity and sexual preferences.
Whether these women stay or leave the relationship, it is an understatement to identify them as courageous, self-sacrificing, and strong...they are survivors!
I would go further than that, not only the book but also a visit to the web site to read and understand just what these woman have gone through. A good start would be to listen to today’s really interesting A Book and a Chat with Dee A Levy and Brian Sheffield Hunt
Direct link to the show
A Book and a Chat with Dee A Levy and Brian Sheffield Hunt
or you can download the mp3 file of the show fromA
"Dee A Levy and Brian Sheffield Hunt"
You can find out more about my guest and their books at:
"Dee A Levy and Brian Sheffield Hunt - The Cross Dresser's Wives"
Barry Eva (Storyheart)
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